Silent Confessions
by A-Fragment-Of-Reality
Summary: Love, I deserve no such thing. How can a sick twisted monster like myself ever be worthy of such a thing? A oneshot of Shizuru's inner thoughts before she lost her sanity. First fic. Enjoy XD


_**Silent Confessions**_

Love, I deserve no such thing. How can a sick twisted monster like myself ever be worthy of such a thing?

I've lost myself to madness; my usual calm demeanour has been stripped from me, replaced by an unknown being driven by lust and hidden desires.

I want to wrap my snake like arms around your perfect muscular yet feminine body, feel your smooth ivory coloured skin beneath my fingers, smell the sweet aroma glazing your body, taste those delicate pink lips and let my tongue roam every inch of your mouth.

But these desires will never be fulfilled; I know this better than anyone. You are a being of purity, cleansing those worthy of love. But I will never be cleansed.

My corrupt and deceitful heart is too far gone, encaged in Pandora's Box never to be opened.

Yet I pray to the un-defying Gods to show mercy. To let you be the one to forgive my sins and return my twisted love. But who am I kidding; Gods show no mercy towards the devil's earth-bound minions.

Although it was unintentional at first, I have used my "best friend" status as a scapegoat to tease and touch you. I cannot help it, I've fallen victim to your cute blushes and pouts; luckily, you are oblivious to the yearning I feel behind these actions.

The position I'm in is both a blessing and a curse. To be the one you now confide in makes me ecstatic, I can't help but think it's surreal.

But the pain I feel when you're next to me, knowing you'll never be mine, hurts more words can describe. Even the immense self-control I have doesn't stop me giving into temptation, and the look of horror and disgust in your eyes when I've pushed you to your limit turns my blood cold in fear.

Fear that you have unveiled my mask of deception and caught a glimpse of my true nature. But your arrogance of love blinds you. Once again my heart can lay to rest.

I wonder if you know I'd be willing to raise hell for you, cross endless oceans and without a second thought kill for you. No! You don't and never will. I would throw my body into the fiery pits of hell before letting that happen.

The lifeless puppet I once was, is no more. The day my dead eyes fell upon you, I cut the strings and refused to play. I wore what I wanted, said what I thought and did whatever I chose to.

Why? I was captivated by your unfailing beauty, your determination to do what you wanted no matter what anyone else thought and most of all your eyes. They were full of pain and sorrow but you tried to cover it with your signature death glare.

You tried to scare me, like you did all the others, but I could tell that deep down you wanted someone to trust, someone you can rely on and I wanted to be that person. You made me realise that if the people I was surrounded by really loved me, it wouldn't matter what I chose to do.

For the first time in my life, I felt alive. I have to say I never thought that you, the infamous 'ice princess', would be the one to capture my heart, although I guess that had to do with the fact I had made assumptions before I even met you.

I now find myself a walking advocate of at least four of the seven deadly sins, and as a gift Lucifer granted me the most sophisticated creation known to man; a free mind.

A place with no limitations where I am free to fantasize any way I please. Isn't it frightening? I can picture god only knows what and there's nothing you or anyone can do about it.

So is it wrong for me to be envious of those girls who have become close to you, who have true intentions of a friend and not deceiving you? Either way I can not help it.

It would be so easy to slice their foul necks and watch in pleasure as they fight for their last breath, dark scarlet liquid gushing freely out of their flesh wounds.

But as tempting as it sounds, I will restrain myself for you. After all, it will only make me out to be a hypocrite. I have always encouraged you to make friends with those in your class.

If I was to take the lives of your dear friends, would I be any better than those murderous First District? No, I'd be lower. I would become a true monster depriving you of happiness.

I will be forever bound to you, with my heart, body and soul. Do with me as you see fit. I belong to you and only you. These words will never be rewarded with a voice; they will remain locked within the chambers of my heart.

I hope one day my silent confession finds a way to your ears, but until that day comes, be kind to me.

--

Disclaimer: Yes I am the owner of Sunrise, Mai Hime does belong to me and I totally own THE SHIZNAT!! (Gets attacked my an angry mob of ShizNat fans) OK OK I LIED!! I'm just a normal teenager with a _naturally healthy_ obession over ShizNat like the rest of you XD

A/N: Firstly I would like to thank you in advance if you chose to read this. This is my first fic so hopefully it isn't that bad! I know it is rather short but I think it gets the point across. I originally wrote this to be my English coursework but I made a few changes to it and made it about Shizuru before she lost her sanity Please review even if you say its shit. And sorry for any mistakes.


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